the mood

inspired by a recent email i wrote:

"i have issues, i have problems, i have changed, i have remained constant, i have matured."

somehow my contemplative moods always have a girl as their source. don't judge me, i'm not as vain as that. the girl doesn't need to be anything more than a friend, she's not always a 'target' and she's not always the 'one'.

go deep enough and you'll find the answer; stay aloof and you'll know the answer. probe just a little and you won't get the essence of anything.

think! let your thoughts be counted and not just rejected. bring them out in the open, risk being ridiculed and judged. we all have thoughts, we all have issues, we all have our own process.

another steal:

"i guess i just want to confuse people. sadistic moron you say?"

reality of life

when you get what you want but not what you need

"break free, go...move on in the world"

"but i don't want to move away"

"you're not going to gain anything from sticking to me"

"i need your wisdom, your maturity, your brains"

"you have all these traits yourself. you just need to nurture them"

"but i can't do that without your presence"

"i am nothing but a psychotic psuedo-intellectual!"

"you've been the one constant factor in my life recently; i can't move on"

"you've got better things happening for you now, please let go!"

"i want you to be a part of them, to feel the excitement"

"but why?"

"your presence has a calming effect on me, i need you"

*silence*

"i really do need you"

*pause*

"i'm sorry, i can't!"

[it's too hard]

failure

i'm not too sure what one learns with failure. for me, it's either of two things:

1) i wasn't prepared enough
2) i need to work harder the next time

if you never fail in life, do you think you miss out on life's learning process? can't it be the case that you're actually smart enough to know all the pit-falls and you've been successful in avoiding them?

what's this fascination with everyone branding failure as a learning experience? hey i don't need a learning experience, i need some positive results without the disappointments! i'd much rather have life dish out all the positives and not have me go through the pain of failure. if that makes me a softer person, a person whose missed out on life's learning aspects, so be it! i'll take that over failure any day.

grow up

come on dude, it's time to get rid of your stupid childish comments and grow up! i don't know what you get from cracking all those wise-ass comments when you know all of them are just crap. what satisfaction do you get bad-mouthing people without any reason? sometimes you need to actually stop and think about what you're saying before you utter all that shit! seriously, one of these days i'm going to snap and give way to my inner self that's just bursting to come out. beware of that release!