even in the hardest of times, one small little word from someone can snap you right out of depression. how is it that friends always find the right time to come up with something so touchy, so amazing, so fulfilling that you just do not want that moment to pass away.
my hands are wrapped around my legs, head resting on my knees, eyes closed and mind deep in thought. i'm trying to re-live all the great moments and still cannot comprehend how or why i got all those compliments. sometimes you just can't justify all the positives in your life and have to sit back and enjoy it till it lasts.
thank you!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
anxiety
why does one feel anxious after doing a good deed? why is it that whenever someone is trying to help a person out, we focus more on their intentions rather than the substance they're presenting? why such pessimism?
everyone has these moments in life when they would do anything to help their friend out. you can see her tripping over rocks but you don't have the heart to reach out a hand to steady her because you know she'll think of that as a moment of weakness and you certainly don't want her to lose her confidence. you try and reach out a hand and even though she takes it, in her mind she's thinking of that hand as some sort of perverse ploy on his part to prove his manliness!
you sit and ponder again and again, spend all your days convincing yourself to check your ego and just extend that hand and force her to cling on to it without worrying about what she thinks about you and your intentions.
helping a friend, especially one who's close enough to you that you lose your sleep over her troubles, is the hardest thing to do. when you start making your life hell just because her life is hell, you should know you're entering a very dicey situation. once you're stuck, whatever you do is always taken the wrong way but you still do it because that's the right thing. you cannot resist the temptation to look out for her, remove all the rocks from her path and just be there whenever she stumbles. the satisfaction and contentment you receive from this just cannot be translated into words!
i'm anxious, my feet have gone cold and my heart's throbbing at an insane rate. you've been thinking about offering a shoulder to lean on for days and days and finally, after much deliberation you take the step. the level of anxiety reaches such a state that you can't even for one second, focus on anything else. blood's pumping from your heart and rushing to your face in a blink of an eye and all you can do is sit and wait; wait for a response, wait for a reply, wait for some signal that the step you took is appreciated and has been taken at face value.
one would think helping a friend out would give you a chance to rejoice but all it ends up serving is a plate of anxiety and nervousness!
everyone has these moments in life when they would do anything to help their friend out. you can see her tripping over rocks but you don't have the heart to reach out a hand to steady her because you know she'll think of that as a moment of weakness and you certainly don't want her to lose her confidence. you try and reach out a hand and even though she takes it, in her mind she's thinking of that hand as some sort of perverse ploy on his part to prove his manliness!
you sit and ponder again and again, spend all your days convincing yourself to check your ego and just extend that hand and force her to cling on to it without worrying about what she thinks about you and your intentions.
helping a friend, especially one who's close enough to you that you lose your sleep over her troubles, is the hardest thing to do. when you start making your life hell just because her life is hell, you should know you're entering a very dicey situation. once you're stuck, whatever you do is always taken the wrong way but you still do it because that's the right thing. you cannot resist the temptation to look out for her, remove all the rocks from her path and just be there whenever she stumbles. the satisfaction and contentment you receive from this just cannot be translated into words!
i'm anxious, my feet have gone cold and my heart's throbbing at an insane rate. you've been thinking about offering a shoulder to lean on for days and days and finally, after much deliberation you take the step. the level of anxiety reaches such a state that you can't even for one second, focus on anything else. blood's pumping from your heart and rushing to your face in a blink of an eye and all you can do is sit and wait; wait for a response, wait for a reply, wait for some signal that the step you took is appreciated and has been taken at face value.
one would think helping a friend out would give you a chance to rejoice but all it ends up serving is a plate of anxiety and nervousness!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
exhilaration
life is so fickle. we switch from sadness to happiness, disappointment to jubilation, resentment to contentment in a matter of minutes. maybe that's what makes life interesting and worth looking forward to!
have you ever felt at the top of the world and not been able to share the happiness with anyone else? feel as if you have so much to say but no one to say to? want to share your achievement with someone but no one's there to listen?
i have all this pent-up energy in me waiting to be let out, waiting to see some daylight and free itself from the confines of my brain where it gets buried under layers and layers of pessimism and disappointments. just when life seems to become an eternal drag, you see that ray of sunlight at the far end of the tunnel and start walking towards it only to see that every step you take is converted into a giant leap and before you know it, you have rays of sunlight hitting your face; you can smell the fresh air, the fragrance of flowers and experience life as it's meant to be.
suddenly, you realise how satisfied and happy you are but only have a handful of people worth sharing this sense of contentment with. even from those, you realistically only have just one person, that one soul in this world who knows you like a book, to really express your feelings to and feel the rush of blood and witness the same rush on the other person's face. ironically, that is exactly the one person you cannot share your emotions with for this particular moment and all that rush of energy vanishes in a blink of an eye.
exhilaration, definitely an overrated emotion!
have you ever felt at the top of the world and not been able to share the happiness with anyone else? feel as if you have so much to say but no one to say to? want to share your achievement with someone but no one's there to listen?
i have all this pent-up energy in me waiting to be let out, waiting to see some daylight and free itself from the confines of my brain where it gets buried under layers and layers of pessimism and disappointments. just when life seems to become an eternal drag, you see that ray of sunlight at the far end of the tunnel and start walking towards it only to see that every step you take is converted into a giant leap and before you know it, you have rays of sunlight hitting your face; you can smell the fresh air, the fragrance of flowers and experience life as it's meant to be.
suddenly, you realise how satisfied and happy you are but only have a handful of people worth sharing this sense of contentment with. even from those, you realistically only have just one person, that one soul in this world who knows you like a book, to really express your feelings to and feel the rush of blood and witness the same rush on the other person's face. ironically, that is exactly the one person you cannot share your emotions with for this particular moment and all that rush of energy vanishes in a blink of an eye.
exhilaration, definitely an overrated emotion!
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