anxiety

why does one feel anxious after doing a good deed? why is it that whenever someone is trying to help a person out, we focus more on their intentions rather than the substance they're presenting? why such pessimism?

everyone has these moments in life when they would do anything to help their friend out. you can see her tripping over rocks but you don't have the heart to reach out a hand to steady her because you know she'll think of that as a moment of weakness and you certainly don't want her to lose her confidence. you try and reach out a hand and even though she takes it, in her mind she's thinking of that hand as some sort of perverse ploy on his part to prove his manliness!

you sit and ponder again and again, spend all your days convincing yourself to check your ego and just extend that hand and force her to cling on to it without worrying about what she thinks about you and your intentions.

helping a friend, especially one who's close enough to you that you lose your sleep over her troubles, is the hardest thing to do. when you start making your life hell just because her life is hell, you should know you're entering a very dicey situation. once you're stuck, whatever you do is always taken the wrong way but you still do it because that's the right thing. you cannot resist the temptation to look out for her, remove all the rocks from her path and just be there whenever she stumbles. the satisfaction and contentment you receive from this just cannot be translated into words!

i'm anxious, my feet have gone cold and my heart's throbbing at an insane rate. you've been thinking about offering a shoulder to lean on for days and days and finally, after much deliberation you take the step. the level of anxiety reaches such a state that you can't even for one second, focus on anything else. blood's pumping from your heart and rushing to your face in a blink of an eye and all you can do is sit and wait; wait for a response, wait for a reply, wait for some signal that the step you took is appreciated and has been taken at face value.

one would think helping a friend out would give you a chance to rejoice but all it ends up serving is a plate of anxiety and nervousness!